What’s Fair and Who’s Counting?

Do cries of "unfair" push your guilt button? Who is the person most worried about equal? Do you invite the measuring? Remember comparisons invite competition. ( “Your sister sits quietly in church”.) If one child feels the other is getting more….whether it is food, time, or attention, avoid going on the defensive or trying to rectify things to the complainer’s specifications. We connect to each child in different ways. Try reading the book, I Love You the Purplest. Here Barbara Joosse does a great job of deflecting her sons’ attempts to elicit favoritism by describing the unique way in which she loves each of them. “I love you the Purplest” becomes a metaphor for that uniqueness. We each want to feel loved and special.

Fairest in the Land

This is how one family used a special way to say “good night” to their children.

• “If you lined up all the three-year-old girls with brown curly hair in the whole-wide-world, I would run up and choose you. You’re the one I would want most.”

• “If you gathered together all the six-year-old boys with brown eyes and missing front teeth, you’d by the only one for me.”

• If all the four-year-old girls with freckles were lined up in a huge long line, I’d run up and say ‘I want this one’”.

Each of these statements would end with a big hug and kiss. This formula, or any that expresses your unique and special love, promises to earn you the title of “fairest in the land” without the assistance of a single magic mirror, list, or tape measure. Finding fair – may mean replacing equal – with unique.

A Toddler's Creed

(taken from Duluth ECFE publication)

• If it is in on, I must turn it off.

• If it is off, I must turn it on.

• If it is folded, I must unfold it.

• If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.

• If it is a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed, or smeared.

• If it is high, it must be reached.

• If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.

• If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.

• If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.

• If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.

• If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, AND thrown on the floor.

• If it is closed, it must be opened.

• If it does not open, it must be screamed at.

• If it has drawers, they must be rifled.

• if it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.

• If it is empty, it will be interesting full.

• If it is a stroller, it must, under no circumstances, be ridden in--it must be pushed by me.

• If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.

• If your hands are full, I must be carried.

• If you are in a hurry and want to carry me, I must walk alone.

• If it paper, it must be torn.

• If it has buttons, they must be pressed.

• If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.

• If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.

• If it is not food, it must be tasted.

• If it is food, it must NOT be tasted.

• If it is a car seat, it must be protested with an arched back.

• If it is a parent, it must be hugged!

Use a Mind Grab Approach Rather Than an Arm Grab Approach

As parents we do love our children and want what is best for them. Do you realize how simple statements can impact your family relationships and family futures? There is a simple truth – there is long-term and impact and value in using your VOICE!

Children need positive interactions and experiences with adults. The catalyst to success is not fancy furniture, DVD’s, or stacks of toys. Verbal interaction between adults and children ----- that’s it! Children need adults who will take the time to talk with them. From such conversations, children will get the vocabulary, language and literacy concepts to have a better chance to succeed. Research documents how the effects of a language rich environment is significant by the time a child is age three. And this is accomplished with the television OFF! Language development is fundamental to academic achievement. Mind grabbing begins with sharing language and establishing a rapport that we know makes all of the difference.

Adapted from article by Ada Alden / Family Information Service 1/05